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No life without Ethan

"No life without Ethan" Continued...

Later at her doctor’s office, Megan started laughing and sobbing at the sight of the already 3-month-old baby inside her. The doctor asked her if she wanted to abort the child right away. Having seen the fully formed baby, Megan knew she couldn’t abort, but she also knew she couldn’t raise a child. All of a sudden, the overwhelming peace washed over her again. “I heard so loud the Lord give me two promises: He was with me, it wasn’t a mistake, and that is your child. It will be hard but I’ll never leave you.” Megan said she didn’t understand what would happen, but felt enough peace to walk out of the doctor’s office without scheduling an abortion.

She was torn—she didn’t feel mentally, emotionally, or financially able to take care of a baby. She knew the child would grow up never knowing his father like she did, and she feared he would resent her for it. But she also didn’t feel at peace with placing him for adoption, especially as she started bonding with him.

She joined a community group at a local church, Reality LA, where she was surprised to find that “the community instead of backing down, stood up and surrounded Ethan and I by praying, serving, and loving us.”

Her biggest fear was being alone in the delivery room. But when the time came last April, her mentor and small group friends stood by her side. Outside the door, 20 girls waited, many having seen Megan come full term. When doctors placed baby Ethan in her arms, she was mesmerized: “Now you’re holding this little life, you finally get to see the soulmate you had inside you. … It’s pretty cool in nine months I had a change of heart from ‘What am I going to do?’ to ‘How can I live life without Ethan?’”

In the 16 months since then, Megan said it’s been a series of daily journeys, some dark days, some joyous days. She still struggles with depression and shame. Even seeing Ethan reminds her of her sin, yet she’s seeing how God has redeemed even the moments she lashed out at Him. Somedays it’s a lonely burden not having anyone to share the responsibilities of being a parent, and she has to go into work even when she would rather stay home with Ethan. While she has some help from WIC, she makes too much money to get welfare, but often doesn’t have the money to cover bills.

But through times like that, Megan’s seen God’s provision. Community group members pitch in to help with babysitting, donate baby items, and help pay for groceries. Recently when she had car trouble, a random parishioner came up to her after church and gave her a $100 bill. Later that day, the car shop told her they could fix the car for exactly $100.

The greatest joy for Megan is watching Ethan grow up. She says Ethan’s brought her a lot of love she’s never experienced. And by parenting, she understands more about God and His love for her, His wisdom in discipline. As Ethan excitedly embarks on new adventures at the park, at the zoo, or even in the kitchen, Megan is learning about child-like wonder.

When asked what churches can do to help single moms like her, Megan said they should seek Jesus: “Out of [Reality LA’s] love for Jesus and what Jesus had done, they loved Ethan. Then out of their love for Ethan and I, they did everything they could for us.”

Life as a single mom is often hard. We plan to follow, month-by-month on WORLDmag.com what happens to single mom Megan Dancisak and her son Ethan.

Angela Lu
Angela Lu

Angela is a reporter for WORLD Magazine who lives and works in Taiwan. She enjoys cooking, reading, and storytelling. Follow Angela on Twitter @angela818.


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