Culture > Q&A

Worship on the mound

"Worship on the mound" Continued...

Issue: "De-coding Morsi," July 28, 2012

You professed Christ at age 13. How did that help you, and how didn't it? It probably kept me from going over the edge with suicidal thoughts: I couldn't do that because of my faith. The hard part, though, was living it out. I had a past that was broken and fractured, and I didn't know what to do with it. I would read the Bible, but I wouldn't understand it. I was ashamed of my past and couldn't be completely authentic. I didn't have much shepherding. I had a relationship with Christ but a thousand questions that were never answered.

Are you able now to answer the question of why those evil things occurred in your childhood? There is a mystery to some of it, but although the evils that are manifested in this world are tough to reconcile a lot of times, that doesn't mean God can't use them in some way. The sexual abuse, for instance-because my wounds were deep the healing has been great. I now have a very intimate relationship with a living God whom I believe in. The deeper the wound and the more healing that has to take place, the greater God becomes. I don't have all the answers and I don't think that I will this side of eternity. There was a point in my life when I wasn't OK with that, but now I'm OK with not knowing and just trusting.

What happened during your almost-fatal attempt to swim the Missouri? I was 32 years old and had three kids and was on the brink of being released. In the river I had to come to terms with either living differently or leaving this place. It took me going to the bottom literally and figuratively.

And your wife put up with this? She's incredibly forgiving. When I wanted to give up baseball, she wouldn't let me. For her to stand in front of me, after what I put her through, and the lifestyle we had led, and for her to say, "I don't want you ever to have a regret." For someone who knows the worst things about you and loves you despite those-I don't know if there's a greater power on earth.

Listen to Marvin Olasky interview R.A. Dickey on WORLD's radio news magazine The World and Everything in It.

Marvin Olasky
Marvin Olasky

Marvin is editor in chief of WORLD News Group and the author of more than 20 books, including The Tragedy of American Compassion. Follow Marvin on Twitter @MarvinOlasky.

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