Self-love and loving others

Faith & Inspiration

"Love your neighbor as yourself." Jesus gave us this as the second of the two greatest commandments. Paul described it as the summation or fulfillment of the whole law. No complicated explanations, lists of caveats, or endless parsing-just: "Love your neighbor as yourself."

And we Westerners have taken it to heart. Sort of. It's more accurate to say that we have taken it and fit it to our hearts.

It has morphed from "Love your neighbor as yourself" to "Love your neighbor because you love yourself" to "Love yourself so you can love your neighbor." Instead of reflecting the One who gave the command, it has been, to create a term, Gollum-ized into a twisted, nasty, self-focused, inverted mantra. We have made ourselves the focus of the love.

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Watch reality TV sometime. It could be American Idol, The Biggest Loser, The Bachelor, or one of many others. But no matter which show you watch, there is good chance you will hear something to the effect of "You know, you just have to love yourself before you can love anyone else." It's the American mantra of self-love that we claim leads to real love but really offers no love at all.

The claim of increasing one's self-love in order to love others more is rubbish. Increased self-love impedes love of others; it is an obstacle. And it is not what Jesus intended and it is not the kind love about which Paul wrote.

Jesus knew the reality of human nature, that we value ourselves above anyone else. So he used the human commitment to our own well-being and comfort to set the bar for love of others. In one simple phrase, Jesus called us out of ourselves and into an others-focused life. The reality of self-love ought to be a constant reminder of the need for real others-love.

As Christians, we know that the origin of genuine love does not come from within. And, in fact, the reality of self-love is a twisted, idolatrous worship. We love because we are loved, because God loved us first, because from Him comes our worth. On the other hand, we love ourselves because we seek to be God.

When we seek to love our neighbors as ourselves we are not to be idolizing self. No, we are to be aware of our propensity for self-care and self-comfort and transfer it willingly to others to care for and comfort them instead. We are to love them as we love ourselves, not because we love ourselves.

Barnabas Piper
Barnabas Piper

Barnabas works for Lifeway Christian Resources and is the author of The Pastor’s Kid: Finding Your Own Faith and Identity and Help My Unbelief: Why Doubt Is Not the Enemy of Faith. He and his wife live in the Nashville area with their two daughters. Follow Barnabas on Twitter @BarnabasPiper.


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