This is how schizophrenic we can be: Here I was typing away at some little column, and something was eating at me that I was suppressing. One gets used to living with that discomfort until it seems natural.
Romans 1:18 says the wicked "suppress" the truth, which conjures in me the image of a person sitting atop a lid of a trash can, in which is concealed a squealing stolen pig, the thief trying to look nonchalant as the police question him while the pig is exerting upward pressure on the lid.
But it's not only "the unrighteous" who do the suppressing of truth. Here I was writing about some spiritual matter, all the while letting myself be abused by Satan.
And I finally figured out why I do that: It's because, when it comes right down to it, I am not believing, in the moment, that it will do any good to pray, because I am not believing God can or will help me. I believe Him for everybody else, but my personal problem is just too intractable, too longstanding, too dyed-in-the-wool. I just have to put up with the feeling and let it run its course, and hopefully it will simmer down in a little while.
There is a very interesting example of this spiritual hopelessness in Jeremiah 18:11-12. The prophet is counseling the people to turn away from their sinful ways (11b), and their response is that it's no use:
"But they say, 'That is in vain! We will follow our own plans, and will every one act according to the stubbornness of his evil heart.'"
It's no use hoping I can be different, they thought. They couldn't scrape together enough faith to believe that God was able to take their hearts and change them. The truth is that part of them didn't even want to be changed. They rather liked their bondage; they didn't know anything else and couldn't imagine life would be worth living without it, miserable as they were.
There is all manner of Christian counseling, tips, and insights, but it all falls apart on the rock of unbelief. If we are not believing God for the covetousness or jealousy or regrets that assails us as we are going about our Christian business, then there is a gap between our theology and our reality. If we are letting ourselves be hagridden all day long by a stubborn sin, then we are simply not believing God in the only place that really matters: Now.
What is the solution? The way out? On your knees immediately, name the sin clearly, and give it to God for his healing, believing the one whose mighty power is released into the lives of those who believe Him (Ephesians 1:19).