I emailed my two cents to a close relative who has been stumbling around in a bad marriage for decades. The world would say this marriage is dead as a doornail, but I have seen too much to believe that. And even if I hadn't, here is the Scripture:
"Is anything too hard for the LORD?" (Genesis 18:14)
I rest my case.
So I suggested she sidle up to her husband one of these days and say, "I love you," and maybe touch his arm for good measure. She wrote back succinctly: "I don't want to lie."
I thought to myself: Ah, a lot of people make that mistake; they think it's lying or hypocrisy to say 'I love you' to someone they are in a bad relationship with. There is much misunderstanding in the Church on that point. But what makes it not lying is that God commands it. His Word says to "put on" certain characteristics-like humility, and love, and tenderheartedness (Colossians 3:10-14; Ephesians 4:24). That exhortation gives us permission to try these qualities on for size and to walk around in them like a new suit of clothes. After a while they will begin to feel like a second skin.
So the principle in Scripture is not this: "Wait around until God gives you the grace to be a different person." The principle is this: "Obey immediately the call to love-because it is commanded and because the grace is already yours from the time you entered into Christ." He has given you everything you need for life and godliness.