Virtual Voices

Obamamamas strike back

Politics

An open letter to the president of the United States of America from the International Alliance of Grandmas for Progress:

Dear Mr. President,

Obamamamas around the globe are alarmed today that your historic, transformative, catharctic rule may come to a premature end and that all the mesmerizing promises of revolutionary change will not come to pass. We propose a three-step plan to close the trust gap and give you a mandate to achieve your progressive dreams of a new America and a better world:

  1. People are rightfully disgusted with your healthcare reform---both its content and the way it was passed does nothing to strengthen democracy or address the needs of patients. There is a simple solution for the fears of all the uninsured. While you still hold the majority, Congress must nationalize hospitals and mandate doctors to provide treatment to all who need it. Their costs will be covered and they will all receive a living wage from communal health accounts financed by excise taxes on yachts and private jets as well as import tariffs on caviar and champagne.
  2. The way things are going with the economy, you will soon have to deal with an opposition takeover of Congress. It is naïve to keep throwing good money down that bottomless capitalist drain expecting economic recovery and job growth in the private sector in time for this year's election, but we can do something to save the White House for you in 2012. Expropriating all the idle capital and spreading it among the idle workers will add nothing to the deficit and will have an immediate economic effect. The empowered proletarians will form cooperatives, producing Monday through Thursday and serving as managers on Fridays. GDP goes through the roof; unemployment becomes a thing of the past.
  3. What started the whole mess that propelled you to power in 2008 was a housing bubble. Capitalism is predestined to booms and busts. The electorate has anointed you to end this cannibalistic system of production for profits. The first step is to let the homeless move into the empty houses. Then a National Bureau of Production for the People will gather statistical data and determine what to produce and how to distribute it in the most equitable and fair way---and we shall let the workers' cooperatives determine in a democratic and decentralized manner how to reach their quotas.

Your fans forever,

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Granny Schicklgruber and Nanny Djugashvili

Alex Tokarev
Alex Tokarev

Alex is the chair of the Department of Business at Morthland College in West Frankfort, Ill., and teaches at Northwood University in Midland, Mich. The native of communist Bulgaria fanatically supports the Bulgarian soccer team, Levski.

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