A letter to the Supreme Leader and Commander Kim Jong Il from the Propaganda and Agitation Department of the Workers Party of Korea:
Dear Father who art in Pyongyang,
May you live ten thousand years to see the banner of Marxism-Leninism wave on top of the White House. I dare to express my concern today regarding the anti-people revisionism spread by your economic advisors. Their corrupted ideas are undermining the glorious revolutionary achievements of our beloved Eternal President, your father Kim Il Sung. They spread evil rumors that millions of our workers are starving because the peasants do not produce enough food. Some among the senior cadre of the Workers Party are shamelessly flirting with capitalism, suggesting that the economy could be guided by free market prices instead of your eternal wisdom. It seems to me that the time is ripe for a Great Purge---may the enemies of juche rot in labor camps next to the traitors from the 2010 national soccer team!
Why are so many Koreans losing weight? There is no mystery---they hunger because they don't buy enough cake. The people do not consume their fair share led by a retrograde Confucian view of thrift as a virtue. The current global recession provides a clear testimony of the terrible havoc that can be caused by the population's stubborn unwillingness to spend. It has forced the American government to go deep into debt trying to counter the devastating effects of the fall in private demand. Now the president and Congress will have to find a way to persuade the central bank to join them in a conspiracy to "reduce the real liabilities of debtors" and stimulate consumption through watering down the purchasing power of the U.S. dollar---"credibly committing to inflation over a fairly sustained period." Fortunately, our people are much more teachable than the Americans. What I need is your order to double all wages. Then our Department of Propaganda and Agitation will persuade them that their children will have a better future only if they buy more stuff today. And we won't take "no" for an answer---anyone who disobeys the call to double consumption will be sent to the confectioneries to choke on chocolate.
Your loyal follower and third cousin,
Pyong Krug Nam