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Grief and hope

"Grief and hope" Continued...

So I force myself to drudge up my saddest feelings, because without that comfort and that assurance from everyone else, I can't be sure that they're aware of that part of my past; and they aren't sure that it still affects me if they don't see me struggle within those 24 hours. Tomorrow it's OK if my memories and accounts of that day are not detached. The rest of the 364 days of the year, I have to be detached or I will fall apart because of how often I'm asked to recount that day.

I wish I was less selfish in my grieving process. Too many times, my gut response to people asking about that day is, "Even if I tell you minute by minute what that day was for me, you'll never understand." But, they're trying to. And that's why I need to embrace opportunities to give them my story, like this one. And my personal experience on that tragic day pales in comparison to those who lost a loved one, and though our grieving processes are profoundly different, in both cases, the pain and grief are real.

Jamie Dean
Jamie Dean

Jamie lives and works in North Carolina, where she covers the political beat and other topics as national editor for WORLD Magazine. Follow Jamie on Twitter @deanworldmag.


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