"At each step, the heel of your leading foot did not pass the toe of the trailing foot by more than one inch. As a result, you required 13 minutes longer than your demonstrated ability to deliver mail to this section of your route."
From a U.S. Postal Service dismissal letter to five-foot-five letter carrier MARTHA CHERRY, explaining she was fired because her strides were too short.
"Enthusiasm and no short cuts for laughs with four-letter words."
Comedian RED SKELTON, in a 1990 interview on the secret to his success in show business. He explained, "I don't think anybody should have to pay money at the box office to hear what they can read on restroom walls." Mr. Skelton died last week at 84.
"We need to be like a united front. I know that all these laws say that we've got to be careful, but there's nothing that says we can't have a few informal discussions among ourselves."
PAT ROBERTSON, in a closed-door speech secretly recorded by someone who passed along the tape to Americans United for Separation of Church and State. Americans United executive director Barry Lynn says the tape proves Mr. Robertson's Christian Coalition does not deserve tax-exempt status.
"Those of us that drive our pickups to those concerts don't get a subsidy. But the people who drive their Mercedes to the opera, they get a subsidy."
Sen. JOHN ASHCROFT, complaining that the National Endowment for the Arts subsidizes opera performances but not Garth Brooks concerts. Mr. Ashcroft cosponsored an amendment to strip the NEA's entire $100 million budget for fiscal year 1998. The amendment was defeated 77-23. A similar House amendment passed in July.
"There was no pay raise in this bill. You can't say they voted for a pay raise."
Aide to Rep. ROBERT LIVINGSTON (R-La.), on the House maneuver last week to approve quickly an appropriations bill that would automatically add a cost-of-living allowance for members of Congress of $3,072.80, raising their pay to $136,672.80. The bill was considered under a rule that allowed for no amendments-which members have routinely used to deny pay increases.
"They're nothing but uptight, narrow-minded, self-righteous, mentally constipated hypocrites, afraid to have fun."
STEVE CORRI, owner of Skeleteens and Eat Me Now Foods, responding to parents' objections to his companies' marketing of Brainwash and D.O.A. Cola, and Crave candies packaged in surplus medical test tubes. The tubes containing the white, powdery candy have names such as Avalanche, White Lie, and Cloud Nine-street names for cocaine.
"You're nuts, and so's the horse you came in on."
GEORGE BUSH, in a pro-CIA speech criticizing those who think the people's right to know outweighs the need for classified information. Mr. Bush once headed the intelligence agency, which last week celebrated its 50th anniversary.