Dispatches > Quotables


Issue: "Lyons thrown to Baptists," Sept. 20, 1997

I'm 50 years old! I can't be doing this!

A Boston husband to his wife, Cheryl Kaiser, complaining at 2:00 a.m. about having to take care of his child's Tamagotchi electronic "pet." Once activated, the toys beep from every few seconds to every few hours. If the owner doesn't press buttons to answer the pet's demands, the pet "dies." Growing numbers of parents are finding themselves caring for the toys.

May it please the court, I am not guilty.

Former Clinton agriculture secretary MIKE ESPY, formally answering the 36-count indictment against him in court.

You're under oath!

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Sen. DON NICKLES (R-Okla.), a member of the Senate committee investigating fundraising abuses, to former Democratic National Committee chairman Don Fowler, who repeatedly denied any "recollection" of contacts with the CIA on behalf of international businessman Roger Tamraz, a DNC donor, who sought and got access to the White House.

Popped off a little attitude with an upperclassman.

KEVIN TRUJILLO, senior class president at the Virginia Military Institute, describing freshman Angelica Garza's anger at being disciplined. She is one of 30 female VMI "rats," who by tradition are subjected to harsh discipline by a group of upperclassmen called The Cadre. Miss Garza was suspended for striking one of the men.

Leave me alone, leave me alone.

Reportedly the last words of PRINCESS DIANA, spoken to a doctor who arrived on the accident scene to care for survivors of the crash. The doctor spoke to the French newspaper Le Parisien.

Another member found it and returned it to me.

Republican consultant FRANK LUNTZ, referring to an unsolicited 222-page strategy memo to Republicans, urging them to adopt friendlier language, speak in short sound bites, and stop calling the Speaker of the House "Newt." The copy of the memorandum in question was found in a Capitol Hill lavatory.

To accommodate the large number of pledges vomiting.

From a lawsuit filed by DONALD HUNT, a former Sigma Alpha Epsilon pledge at Louisiana State University who nearly drank himself to death to win membership to the fraternity. The lawsuit-against LSU, the SAE fraternity, and a bar-describes "vomiting stations" set up for expected sickness. Mr. Hunt's roommate, 20-year-old Benjamin Wynne, died of alcohol poisoning after the drinking binge.

It makes me want to punch a hole in the ozone layer!

New York Times columnist MAUREEN DOWD, in a tongue-in-cheek op-ed assuming the voice of Vice President Gore, who is frustrated that all the scandal news is sticking to him, not the president.


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